Abandonment Complex

One time when I was about three or four years old, I was walking along the street with my family looking in the store windows, when suddenly I was alone. No family, no one I knew. I don’t remember much about this time. I must have been picked up by a friendly policeman. I remember being in the police station on a tall stool and being handed a chocolate bar, perhaps to stop me from crying. I was too small to drive a car, to buy food, to cook, to bath myself. What could I do without my family? My Dad eventually showed up and took me home.
This incident has affected my whole life as well as the lives of others. I don’t recall this thought at the time but I must have thought that I was not good enough to be a part of my family, because I have always felt an abnormal need to please others. I have reconstructed the time directly following that incident by asking other members of my family about it. I am quite sure that if anyone was worried about me they didn’t allow me to know about it. They said, "Oh you and your brother were always getting lost. You probably just wanted those chocolate bars." (Eating chocolate always makes me feel apprehensive.) I belive that nothing was said like, “We were so worried about you. We love you so much. We don’t want anything bad to happen to you.
I have decided to host my own welcome home party for myself. The only people invited will be my dog and my cat and my imaginary little self. That little self that still doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to be perfect to be acceptable. First I will welcome her home and tell her all the things I needed to hear, but never heard:
“You are so precious to me. I love you so much. It was an accident leaving you there. I didn’t mean to leave you all alone. Welcome home. Are you hungry? What would you like to eat? I’m so glad that I found you. I’m glad that you are alright. I was so worried about you!”
Then I will take her into my arms and hug her and not let her go until she says, “Mommy please let me go.” Then I will know that she is alright. We will have a nice day and she will always know how precious she was.